The space you take up in the world.
Stop apologising for the space you take up in the world.
Stop apologising for the space you take up in the world.
What has happened to you to make you feel like you need to apologise for your existence?
You were told you were too bossy, too loud, too smart, too sporty, too sexual or too boyish.
Or too afraid, too anxious, too feminine, too emotional.
And not just by the arbitrary societal expectation of culture.
By actual people. Other humans. To your actual human face.
You try to make yourself smaller to fit into some kind of space that might be more comfortable for others to tolerate.
To endure you.
Quite simply, you were deemed, too much.
You go forwards anyway.
You seek something.
You meet new people. Great people.
Supportive, honest, loving people.
Two way street kinds of people.
And now they are your friends.
And they love you for all of the things you are.
But you still apologise. You say sorry. For everything.
For what you say, what you do, how you walk.
And these people that love you, tell you to stop it.
Stop apologising for the space you take up in the world.
Sorry. You say.
You are sorry for being sorry.
That is a ridiculous manifestation of a life of constantly feeling like you are too much or not enough.
Call bullshit on being sorry.
You are not sorry.
Not actually.
Which is even more of a reason not to say it. It is not true.
You use apologies and 'self deprecating joking but not really joking' sentences to try and double check if what you think or feel is ok.
What you actually want to do or think or feel.
Realistically what you truly want to do or think or feel won’t actually work for everyone.
And that’s ok.
That is ok.
You are allowed to do things by yourself. You are also allowed to put people off.
Because they are the people you don’t want around anyway. Whether it is an anonymous follower on social media or your best friend in the whole world.
Let them go.
Some people will love you for who you actually are, not in spite of who you actually are.
Stand up for yourself.
I want to say that you are not weird, that you are normal.
But that is simply not true.
You are weird, we are all weird, and that is awesome.
There is literally no such thing as normal.
There are things that are common, or trends or statistically more frequent.
But there is no such thing as normal.
Just like there is no such thing as perfect.
They are objectively impossible.
There are no parameters for these things. No logical measurements.
So be illogical, be irrational.
Write your own parameters and measurements.
Treat the options of life: skills, lifestyles, sex, cities, play; like a platter.
Like you are at the most diverse dinner party of all time.
And you are just cruising around hearing about all the options.
The pros and cons, the good vibes and the not so good and just feel it out.
Follow your instincts and your intuition.
And choose those cute little hordeauves that sound delicious to you.
And only you.
Try them.
Enjoy them, keep them.
Don’t enjoy them, spit them back out.
Curate your own little platter that tastes good to you.
That has a beautiful weird combination of the life options.
And serve that.
That is you.
Walk around with your life options on your platter, in all its its weirdness, it’s contradictions and its beauty.
And be proud.
I guess what I am saying is, eat whatever you want.
Wait no...
BE whoever you want. But do it on purpose. Figure you out.
And be proud.
You don’t have to share it all at once.
But the more you share, the more likely you are to find other people with similar platters and combinations to you.
They’ll have things that match perfectly and things that don’t.
Similarities that support you. Opposites that excite you. Both that will challenge you.
Enjoy that.
And be proud.
And stop apologising for taking up space in the world.
Emotional space, physical space, professional space, intimate space.
Make some space for yourself.
Own and share and love that space.
And do not be sorry for it.
Sarelizah
xx
